Happy 1st Birthday, Anthony

 

 

Anthony Michael turns ONE today.  How can that be?  Hard to put into words exactly how I am feeling on this special day.  There are moments when I can’t seem to remember life without him, there are times when I feel like he has been in my arms forever.  Yet it truly seems like yesterday when we got the call that his birth mom was going into early labor and we needed to leave immediately to get to the hospital.  ONE YEAR AGO, we were praying for our baby boy.  Our baby boy that we hadn’t met yet.  Our baby boy that we knew very little about.  Our baby boy that really wasn’t “ours” yet but we loved him just the same.  Our baby boy that was to be born earlier than expected and with more difficulties than expected and an unexpected month long wait for him to officially become a Blair.

A year ago today, I had started my day and had a list a mile long of things that needed to get done.  All of that changed with one phone call.  A phone call letting me know that the birth mom was in the hospital and they were not able to hold off the delivery any longer.  At that moment, we scrambled, we called on friends for help.  Friends gathered our 4 kids from school and brought them home so I could say good-bye, because we had no idea how long I could be gone.  Dear friends helped me frantically pack for myself and this tiny baby that we were going to meet and hopefully bring home.

The car ride to Arkansas felt like the longest drive EVER!  I wanted to be there.  I didn’t want to miss his birth.  I wanted to be the first one to hold him.  I wanted to see him, this baby that I have been praying for and dreaming of for years was going to be born today and we are trying our hardest to get to him.  You can only imagine the thoughts going thru our minds during this long drive.  Is he going to be okay?  What will he look like?  What if the birth mom changes her mind?  Will we love him immediately?  Will he love us?  We had talked about his name but seeing that he wasn’t to be born for another 4 to 6-weeks, we hadn’t finalized anything.  We made lists in the car, tossed out names and tried to prepare ourselves for what was about to happen….I am here to tell you that you cannot fully prepare for a story like this.  Only God can write a story like this….

(seeing our son for the first time)

We finally arrived at the hospital, 11-hours later!  Walking into the hospital was so surreal.  We were walking inside to meet our son and yet we knew that he wasn’t ours yet.  It was hard to keep a guarded heart, almost impossible.  As we walked into the neo-natal unit, we both glanced around…where was he?  We finally got to his bassinet and the nurse handed us the most beautiful baby boy in the world and all of our fears and questions about love and adoption were answered.  We fell in love in about 1.2 seconds and I knew that this was our son.  We looked at him and instantly he became Anthony Michael.  The name fit him perfectly and we know that Uncle Tony looked down from heaven that day with big, crooked smile on his face.  Again, a story that only God could write because the moments leading up to Anthony’s birth are unreal.  One of these days, I cannot wait to tell him HIS story.  It sure is an awesome one.

(our days in the hospital)

 

(the kids running in the house in Arkansas to meet their baby brother)

(they too, fell in love immediately and were SO happy!)

(Anthony's "Gotcha Day", Courtrom in Arkanas when he officially became a Blair, May 2, 2013)

 

From the moment we got the phone call that a birth mom had chosen us and that our baby boy was to be born sometime soon, our priorities were rearranged.  Pure, unconditional love kicked in.  Such love that makes you want to give and expect nothing in return. Anthony started out life so tiny and fragile and irreplaceable.  Our love for him became the most powerful thing on the planet.  Our love for him made him survive.  Not just survive, but thrive.  From his first cry to first smile to first giggle to first steps and all of the first year moments in between….Anthony makes life worthwhile.  Anthony completed our family and has filled our hearts with such joy and happiness. 

Anthony’s adoption journey and first year of life has already taught us so many things….  unconditional love, perseverance, lessons in faith and obedience and friendship and love.  He has also taught me that you really don’t need sleep after all!  Night after night while everyone else is sleeping, the light from the moon shines in on his beautiful face as we rock in the recliner together.  His tiny hand reaches up and touches my cheek.  He just wants to know that I am there, holding him.  I reassure him, “I am here little guy and always will be...your Mama is not going anywhere”  Before we knew his name, before we were chosen, before we saw his sweet face and counted his fingers and toes, before all of this happened---we loved him and wanted him more than he will ever know. 

 

 

I have said it over and over but I am eternally grateful that I get to be his Mommy forever.  I get to be his Mama.  Me.  Nobody else.  Me.  And no one can take him from us.  He is my son and words cannot express the love we have for this amazing and precious baby boy.  What a year it has been….happy first birthday, Anthony.  Love you more, little buddy.